In social groups, why does my boyfriend ignore me?

[Brian M]

I've been dating "Ryan" for about a year and a half. I love him more than anything, and he's mostly a sweetheart to me. But one thing I've noticed is that whenever we socialize with other people, he pretty much ignores me. We recently went to a party at a friend's house, and he insisted on taking pictures with pretty much everyone there -- except me. I even asked him if we could take a picture together, and he said no. I thought it was strange. When there's other people in the room, it's hopeless if I want to talk to him, as he's always busy chatting away with everyone in the room -- except me. We went to the movies over the weekend, and he immediately started chatting with the people in the row behind us, showing them his phone and asking for their names so he could add them on facebook. Then we went to dinner and had a chatty waitress, and immediately they seemed to be best friends. I don't want to tell him he can't have friends, but it often feels like I'm taken for granted or an afterthought. Ryan's the center of my world, and when it's just him and I, he mostly gives me his full attention (save a few phone calls) and I have a really good time with him. But why does he like to ignore me when there's other people around?
Good advice UVa Guy. Really appreciate it.
One more thing: Our mutual friends have noticed. One friend told me I'm very "patient" with him and he's "so lucky to have me."
Michelle W, that's some really good advice! PDAs would be out of the question with him, and that doesn't really bother me. I just don't like feeling like I'm ignored, and that's usually how it is. He never introduces me to people or talks about me. And worst of all, other people have noticed. I was at a party watching tv, and one guy asked a mutual friend of ours if there was something wrong with our relationship because Ryan's talking to everyone while Brian's alone watching tv. Ryan made a joke about it ("Yeah, like we have to be joined at the hip and have to do everything together"), but I was actually thinking the same thing. And I would be social with him, except I'd honestly just be following him around, and I get sick of it.

[Raj]

Brian, why are you dating Ryan? It is not normal for a man to date another man. "Ryan" is aware of this, hence why he ignores you. Seek professional help.

[uva guy]

He may be the center of your world, but apparently you are not the center of his. His behavior is inconsiderate and rude. Refusing to take a picture with you is just bizarre. It's like he is ashamed of his relationship with you. My partner is a great schmoozer and a bit of a social butterfly in social situations, but he never makes me feel as you describe. He may be just oblivious, but I'd want a change or at least an explanation. Next time, just say you'd rather stay home than be ignored when you go out, and see how he reacts.

[truckinotter]

Honey, you need to tell him that this behavior is going to stop; but do it do it firmly and gently. You two have a year and a half in this relationship and it's up to you if you want to make it last. From what you've written about "Ryan" he's more interested in showing his camera off than showing **you** off.

I can get chatty with people; it's just in my nature. I talk to everyone including people we meet on the street who are just asking for directions until my Partner (we have 32 years) is saying "That's enough now!" and she gets me to walk off. Yours isn't the same though. Ryan should be showing you off. The honeymoon shouldn't be over just yet!

Talk to him and see if he realizes what he's doing (or hide the camera

[Nikolas]

you just need to talk it out with him and if he doesn't wanna talk then even though you guys dated so long he doesn't deserve you, especially if he can't even take at least 5 minutes out of his day to talk to you about something you feel is really important and don't listen to that Raj guy

[Friendlyfood350]

you like him more than he likes you it seems , there is the imbalance and where ur problem lies , he's not gonna change with you , so you have 2 choices , put up with it and waste ur time trying to get his attention

or find someone else who actually likes you and notices your there instead of everybody else , why he ignores you is not your problem , do u really value him more than urself that you'd put up with his behaviour , i assume u've done nothing wrong

[Michelle W]

Brian, I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that your partner "Ryan" is something of a people pleaser - and not necessarily in the bad way, just in a very social way. It sounds like he is good at striking up conversations with other people, but he is certainly taking you for granted. My guess is that he's uncomfortable with PDA b/c he's afraid of attracting negative attention. I would definitely bring it up with him, because I bet he doesn't do it on purpose to make you feel bad. I think there's something behind the way he's acting, like maybe he's compensating for how much he feels like he "needs" you emotionally. Or maybe he's been single in the past and wants to prove to other people that he doesn't need to act all lovey dovey with his partner. He might have some anxiety issues, too.

If you really feel that he cares about you, it's worth bringing up this topic with him. You might not be able to get a total 180 degree change out of him, but he should be able to make comprimises. Maybe something little like giving you a peck on the cheek, or introducing you to someone new, or reaching out and holding your hand could mean a lot because you'll know he's trying - for you.

Good luck!

[Flor]

I'm not being rude or mean, but the simple fact is: he doesn't love you. I sorry and I wish you the best and hope someday that real love will come your way.